OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Best friends brother. Beat that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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