it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
