she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
