I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
try to milk me bitch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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