I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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