I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
