her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
