ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
