He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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