dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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