My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
