you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
