I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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