she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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