The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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