wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
