Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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