I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
