buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
