you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
