why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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