Swine flu. Run for my life!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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