When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
