Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
