I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
