Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
