I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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