dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im part way to drunk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
