College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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