He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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