i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
