i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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