The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
