dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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