I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
