that's an acceptable place to lick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
