i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And then he peed in my hair
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