I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
