College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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