I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
