Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
