How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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