I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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