Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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