she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
