I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
