Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
