they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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