Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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