I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
third nipple confirmed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
