How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
