Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am puke
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
