Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
