He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
