When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
