I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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